Are Parents to Blame for Juvenile Delinquency?

                                   To talk about pretty interesting question, "Are parents responsible for juvenile delinquency?" So, who is responsible for juvenile delinquency? If we look at our society today and I guess any time in the history. You know, of our world. We've always had juveniles or young adults who make poor choices. Who choose to break the law and to do things that, you know, are not in their best interest or the best interest of others.

                                      So, in order to address this topic, we're going to approach it like we do everything else. From a principle based approach, in order to answer this question correctly, we need to make sure that we're understanding it correctly and we look at the principles and beliefs upon which this question is based.  So, there are three foundational principles. Those foundational principles are,

Accountability:

                   Accountability Which says that each one of us are accountable for our own lives and nobody can take that from us and we can't give it away to anyone else.

Principle of control:

               The second principle is the principle of control which says that we control 3 things.

                       Our conscious thoughts, our emotions and our behavior.

 We can't control anything else.

Principle of choice:

                  And the third thing is the principle of choice which says that in any circumstance or situation, we always have a choice over the things that we control. So,

We have a choice over what we think, we have a choice over how we feel and we have a choice about what we do.

So, let's look at this question then based on those foundational principles. Are parents responsible for juvenile delinquency? Well, the question is, "Do parents have control over their children?” That is no, they don't. Parents have influence over their children but not control the only way that parents can control their children is for what they are physically able to force or control them to do.

                                  But even if I am with my child, I still can't control what they do. For example, if my child wants to cry, I can't make my child stop crying. So, I can't make my child obey the law. It's impossible. That's a violation of principle. So, the truth of this question is, "Are parents responsible for juvenile delinquency?" Absolutely not. The individual responsible for juvenile delinquency is the juvenile who's making that decision or a choice to break the law.

                                     Now, we could just stop right there but we can also go a little bit further. So, parents may not be responsible for juvenile delinquency. However there may be things that they do that contribute to it. But they're not fully responsible. So, we can look at... Instead of... Because as a society, oftentimes what we want to do is, we want to put the blame on parents for the problems that we're experiencing with youth.

                                   Well, can you see the problem with that approach? If we're putting the blame on parents and we're expecting them to fix the problem, we're expecting them to do something that it is impossible for them to do. And what happens is, I've seen this often times in the court. So, in my work, I've worked with youth and families for a long time. And I've spent a lot of time in juvenile court. And there have been times when the judge basically has reprimanded or gotten after parents for not controlling their son or their daughter. And put an expectation on the parent to control their child. Now, if I'm a parent that comes out of that situation where I've been blamed and the judge has put the responsibility on me to control my child, all of my efforts now are going to be on trying to control my child. Which again, I cannot do.

                                     But oftentimes, we create exactly what we don't want or the opposite of what we want. And so, if I'm trying to control my child but I've got a rebellious child, so we have this power struggle going on between us. I've got fear now from the judge that I need to control my child. As I exert more control, I'm going to meet up with more resistance. And I may end up creating more problems than existed beforehand. So, what's important to understand is the principle involved in this? If I know and understand that I can't control my child, there may be something that I can try to do to educate the judge or to educate Society.

                                            But short of that, if the expectation from the judge is for me to control my child, I need to look at, "Okay, I can't control them but I can influence them." So, what do I need to do in order to have an influence on my child to want to make better choices? Now my approach with my child will be completely different. Because I will focus on strengthening and building that relationship so that I have or influence instead of trying to control and as a result maybe creating more of what I don't want.

                                           Just one other example. Just too kind of illustrate what we've already talked about as far   as parents creating juvenile delinquency. You know, there are also kids that come from families where maybe the parents don't obey the law. And yet the children choose to be law-abiding citizens or members as a community. So, parents don't control their children either way.

                                              We can't make them obey the law and we also can't make them not obey the law. The truth of this or the answer to this question is parents are not responsible for juvenile delinquency. Juveniles are responsible for their own behavior. And as a society, we can help in this situation by becoming aware of that and putting the responsibility where it needs to be. So we need to hold the individual who's responsible for the behavior, responsible for the behavior that they chose. We do.

                                             Everyone a disservice. When we put the responsibility for someone's behavior on someone else. If we can make this change in the way that we see and understand things in our world. So, we look more at controlling ourselves and influencing others. And again, we influence others by creating relationships with them and by setting boundaries. But boundaries are things that we can control.

                                             So, I will set a boundary of this is what I will do or what I won't do. You can do whatever you're going to choose to do but you'll experience the consequence of the choice that you make. Which allows the other person to learn from their choices. Let all of us continue to work on being aware of what are our thoughts and the beliefs that are driving our behaviors. And make sure that our beliefs are based on truth and principle and try to live our lives in accordance with those truths.